church bulletin silliness

[kambriel]

Courtesy velvetdahlia!


These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services(Summer, 2007 Release).

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday y at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I Will Not Pass This Way Again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - Prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done..
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'

Comments

[visioluxus.livejournal.com]

I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed that!

[kambriel.livejournal.com]

I had to put down my croissant and cider just to get through them all this morning ~ too funny!

...a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

[dali-muse.livejournal.com]

Oh My Head.

So funny, I can't stop laughing.

Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Now that's a church that I would go to!

[kambriel.livejournal.com]

I have to admit something about "The Electric Girdles" is calling out to be a band name ;)

[dali-muse.livejournal.com]

Agreed.

I read these out loud to my roommate and could hardly finish reading the list!

Come Prepared to Sin!

[velvetdahlia.livejournal.com]

That one is my favourite, too!

[spangle-kitten.livejournal.com]

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

Is my favourite.

I've seen several of these before because of my mother being a minister, they would occasionally publish them in the "entertainment" section in the newsletter.

[kambriel.livejournal.com]

Please use the back door.
Isn't that just terrible?

You've got to wonder if the people who do these typos/unfortunate phrases ever catch on to the double entendres they've inadvertently created.

(I hope you're holding up o.k. today ~ I still can't get over the shock you must have felt.)

[maiden-malice.livejournal.com]

wow, that was fantastic. :)

[kambriel.livejournal.com]

'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

It's hard to pick a favourite! :)

[blueiduna.livejournal.com]

Oh my. The church in Derek's old neighborhood had a light-up marquee sign with occasional gems, but none were quite as precious as these.